Porygon

Thirty-six and a half kilos at eighty centimetres tall. That is a strange density for something that, according to its own entry, is not made of matter: a body of pink-and-blue plates, a flat beak, hexagonal eyes, and the minimum number of faces needed to make the thing look like a bird.

The Pokédex entries have repeated the same idea from the start. A Pokémon created by humans, made from programming code, capable of turning into data and moving through cyberspace. They are also among the few entries that speak ill of their subject: “its abilities are basic,” says one; another explains that it was made about twenty years ago using the technology of the time, “so it is now outdated in many respects.” In between them is the detail that defines it most — it has copy protection, so it cannot be duplicated.

Its official category is Virtual Pokémon, and the habitat assigned to it by the game is urban, which for a lab creature means little more than “wherever there are people.” It heads a three-stage line that does not grow through experience: Porygon2 and Porygon-Z arrive through trading while holding an item, never by levelling up.

The distribution of its 395 base points has one figure that stands out and another that drags the whole thing down: 85 Special Attack against 40 Speed. The rest is filler — 65 HP, 70 Defense, 75 Special Defense, and an Attack stat of 60 that serves no purpose, because its list of physical moves ends with Double-Edge at level 50.

Download is the ability that keeps it afloat. When it enters battle, it compares the opponent’s two defensive stats and raises the corresponding attacking stat by one stage based on whichever is lower, so that 85 effectively becomes something close to 127 for the rest of the battle. Trace copies the opponent’s ability and is more of a curiosity than a plan. Its Hidden Ability, Analytic, adds 30% when it attacks last, and with 40 Speed it attacks last almost all the time: it is one of the few cases where being slow actually pays off.

Being a Normal type gives it an immunity to Ghost, a weakness to Fighting, and no boosted attack worth mentioning. Its coverage comes from TMs: Ice Beam, Thunderbolt, and Shadow Ball cover almost everything it cares about, while Tri Attack, learned at level 45, can also burn, freeze, or paralyse. Recover comes at level 35 and lets it withstand repeated switches.

In the competitive lists for Scarlet and Violet, it has no category of its own: it is listed as an unevolved Pokémon, and that is where it stays. Where it does matter is in ninth-generation Little Cup, which bans it — with Eviolite and Download, it broke the format. It is one of the few Pokémon expelled for being too good for its level.

It has no gender. The Pokédex does not assign it a female percentage because there is none, so the only possible breeding partner is Ditto, and only within the Mineral Egg Group, the box where the game puts inorganic things. Its 20 incubation cycles work out at about 5355 steps, a slow egg for a creature with modest stats.

It learns no Egg Moves, which makes sense for a species that has nobody to breed with outside Ditto: everything it knows comes from levelling up or from TMs.

Its two evolutions require exact conditions and allow no shortcuts. Porygon becomes Porygon2 when traded while holding an Upgrade, and Porygon2 becomes Porygon-Z when traded while holding a Dubious Disc. Without a second console or someone on the other end, the line stays at the first step forever.

Its catch rate is 45, the figure associated with hard-to-catch Pokémon, although in practice it is almost never caught: it is given away or bought. It grows at a medium pace, yields 79 base experience, and gives one effort point in Special Attack.