Goldeen

When 1996 called for something with a bite to fill Kanto’s rivers and ponds, the first generation turned to the most ordinary thing you can find in a Japanese aquarium: a goldfish. Goldeen is exactly that, a show-bred Carassius with a horn, 60 centimeters and 15 kilos of ornamental fish that takes itself very seriously.

The Pokédex entries insist on two things that do not quite fit together. On the one hand, elegance: its dorsal, rear and pectoral fins wave in the water and have earned it the nickname Water Dancer, and when the temperature rises, groups swim upstream in a spectacle that heralds spring. On the other, the horn. It swims at five knots and charges if it feels threatened. One entry warns that a specimen placed in an aquarium will eventually break the glass with its horn to escape, no matter how thick it is.

That contradiction between ornament and weapon is its entire character. It lives along riverbanks, can be caught on any route with water, and occupies the first half of a two-stage line: at level 33, it evolves into Seaking, which is the same thing but with a longer horn and one-third more stats.

Its 320 base points are badly distributed even by the standards of a pre-evolution. Attack, at 67, is the best thing it has; Speed, at 63, is not enough to outspeed almost anything; and Special Attack, at 35, is so low that it turns half its TMs into decoration. With 45 HP and 60 Defense, it cannot take a decent neutral hit either.

Of its three abilities, the interesting one is its hidden ability, Lightning Rod: it draws Electric-type moves aimed at any other target, nullifies them and raises its Special Attack. The boost is useless with a base stat of 35, but the redirection is not, which is why the little Goldeen can do happens in double battles, protecting a teammate that does not want to take a Thunderbolt. Swift Swim doubles its Speed in rain, and it can learn Rain Dance by TM, although spending two turns to attack with 67 Attack is not worth it.

Pure Water typing gives it nothing special offensively: only Fire, Ground and Rock take super-effective damage, and its only two weaknesses are Grass and Electric. Its strongest move is not Water-type but Megahorn, a Bug-type move with 120 power that it learns at level 45. Before that, Waterfall at 35 and Horn Attack at 15. Horn Drill, at 50, is the classic one-hit knockout move: it rarely hits and is even less useful.

Outside a format where pre-evolutions compete against each other, there is no reason to bring it. In a normal playthrough, it does its job through the middle stretch as a Water-type transport option and as a fish that levels up quickly, and not much else.

It belongs to the Water 2 Egg Group, the one for no-frills fish, with an even gender split: 50 % female. It breeds without complications with any other Pokémon in the group or with a Ditto.

Its 20 incubation cycles amount to roughly 5355 steps, putting it on the shorter end. Of its list of nine Egg Moves, the ones worth anything are Aqua Tail, with 90 physical power, and Skull Bash, with its 130 power and reckless accuracy; Hydro Pump and Psybeam also appear there, but with 35 Special Attack they are a joke. Acupressure raises a random stat by two stages, which with this Pokémon’s spread is a badly paid lottery.

Its evolution has no trick to it: raise it to level 33 and Seaking appears. No items, no friendship, no time of day. It grows at an average pace and yields one Attack EV when defeated.

Its habitat is the riverbank, and its catch rate is 225, practically the ceiling. Any Poké Ball will work first try with a little prior damage, and you do not even need that: it can be caught with the Old Rod on most routes with water. Wild specimens sometimes carry Mystic Water, which boosts the power of Water-type moves.